Odd Couple Part II: The Sequel
by Mysterytay
Summary: To avoid getting back together with her ex-boyfriend, Sandy asks Squidward to pretend to be her current boyfriend.


A/N: This is a sequel to my fic, "Odd Couple," obviousIy. I want to write for other fandoms, but it's pretty hard for me. I don't know why. I don't know if I'll get around to it or not. Until then, enjoy.

**Odd Couple Part II: The Sequel**

The tree dome was in perfect order after hours of cleaning, and rearanging. Her family should be here any minute now. Sandy had worked hard all day, so she sat down on the couch for a moment of rest before the chaos that was her family arrived. They would be visiting for a whole week.

She was startled by the sounds of the loud alarm and the draining of water, signaling that someone from outside was entering. She must have dozed off. She wiped the drool that had formed on the corner of her mouth, and bolted out of the tree to greet her family at the door. It opened, and there stood the Cheeks family.

Her parents were the traditional, conservative Texas type. Her father was a no nonsense guy, and believed a man should be masculine and support his wife. He was a bull frog riding champion. Her mother had married young, and was a traditional house wife. She had wanted the same for Sandy, but Sandy wanted non of that. She was a career driven woman. She was always under constant pressure from her mother to get married, and settle down. "You're not getting any younger," she would always say. "Have children while you can." Her cousin, Harmony, was also there. She fit the exact definition of a sterotypical hippie. Sandy had always thought that she, herself was the oddball of the family, until Harmony changed her lifestyle. She admired her courage to be different in that small, conservative, Texas town.

"Howdy, guys!" Sandy called out happily, as she ran up to them.

"There's my little girl," said her father.

"How can someone live at the bottom of the ocean?" Her mother questioned. After they removed their air helmets, the family of squirrels pulled Sandy into a group hug.

"I'm so happy to see y'all," Sandy said, once they parted. She noticed that her twin brother was absent from the family reunion. "Where's Randy?" She asked. "I thought he was comin' too."

"Randy's raccoon roommate got rabies, and now he's quarantined until the've confirmed he ain't caught it, " Mrs. Cheeks answered.

"Holy guacamole!" Sandy exclaimed. "Is he okay?"

"I'm sure he'll be fine, but we didn't want to waste the plane ticket, so guess who came instead." Before Sandy could guess, he stepped out from behind the family, and she found herself standing face-to-face with her ex-boyfriend. She froze, absolutely dumbstruck. She had never expected to see him again. He was as manly as ever, wearing a flannel shirt, jeans, and cowboy boots. His muscles had built up, due to years of farm work and manual labor.

"Rusty?" She managed to spit out.

"Howdy, babe. Miss me?" The rough and tough squirrel asked.

"I ain't your 'babe.'" Sandy asserted herself. "You call me that again and yer pelt'll be hangin' on my wall!"

"You haven't changed a bit," Rusty chuckled.

"He wants to get back together with you!" Mrs. Cheeks interrupted. "He's just inherited his father's ranch and he's lookin' to settle down."

"Ma!" Sandy cried out in frustration, anger building. "We broke up for a reason. Why'd you bring him here? Y'know I can't stand him!" Rusty was a bit of a chauvinist with the same beleifs as his parents, and hers. Sandy had wanted a career, so she broke it off with him because he was holding her back. He called her a crazy feminist and told everyone back home that she was a threat to society. She found that pretty pathetic and insecure. Not to mention laughable. She was so steaming with rage that she hadn't noticed when Harmony approached her. She reached out her arm, her bangles jingling, and layed her hand on Sandy's shoulder to calm her.

"While I don't agree with your mother, there is a better way to handle this," the hippie squirrel assured. "Yelling will only give you a sore throat." She turned to face the family, removing her hand from Sandy's shoulder. "Everyone just take deep breath and calm down." They did, except for Mr. Cheeks. He just stood quietly in the back, not wanting to get involved. Harmony spoke again once everyone was calm. "Now let's talk about this rationally."

"Ma, I really don't appreciate this," Sandy said through clenched teeth, obviously trying not to explode.

"Rusty, why don't you take our bags inside while we have a family discussion," Mrs. Cheeks asked politely.

"Sure thing ma'ame," The masculine squirrel agreed. He gathered everyone's bags, then headed for Sandy's tree.

"Just give him a chance," Mrs. Cheeks said, once he was gone.

"I don't want to get back together with him," Sandy protested.

"Why not. He's a nice boy and he can provide for you."

"I can provide for myself! I've been doin' it for years." Sandy couldn't think of anything else to get her mother off her back, so she blurted out a thought that was forming in the back of her mind. "Besides, I already have a boyfriend." Mr. Cheeks' ears perked up at that.

"Who is he? I'll kill 'im," he finally spoke up.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Mrs. Cheeks questioned. Sandy, regreting her blunder, struggled to come up with an answer.

"I...I uh... wanted to surprise y'all at dinner," she lied. "Now you've ruined it." She had to think of something, quick. She brought everyone inside and showed them their rooms. "Why don't ya'll unpack while I make a quick phone call. Forgot to pay the light bill."

Sandy rushed to her room and picked up the phone. She thought about dialing SpongeBob and asking him to be her fake boyfriend for a week, but she was sure he would blow it. Larry the Lobster? No, she didn't want two muscle heads in her house at once. Patrick Star? Forget it. She figured since she had pretended to be Squidward's girlfriend two weeks ago, maybe he would return the favor. She dialed his number and waited.

"Unless you're a talent agent, go away," was the cepalopod's greeting.

"Squidward, it's Sandy. I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend." A pause.

"You're joking, right?" Squidward was surprised to find that the tide had turned. (no pun intended)

"Unfortunately, no."

"I have a life y'know," He tried getting out of it.

"Come on. I did it for you," Sandy begged, her anxiety building.

"Maybe I have other plans." A lie. Sandy groaned in frustration. She thought for a minute. A musical instrument sitting in the corner, caught her eye. A certain starfish had left it there after nearly blowing her ears off with his "musicality." She knew he had taken it without Squidward's permission. A light bulb flashed over her head, and an evil smile spread across the squirrel's face.

"Squidward, " She said in malicious sing-song. "I've taken your clarinet hostage. If you ever want to see it again, I suggest you get yer skinny butt over here."

"What? How did you get it?" He asked.

"Patrick left it here the other day. I was gonna return it, but now I'm thinkin' it'll make good fire wood. It's getting chilly in here," She loved being in control like this. No way she could ever date Rusty again.

"Oh, that stupid, pink... You're bluffing," the octopus hoped.

"Ya really wanna risk it?" A long pause gave her the answer. "Then be at the tree dome in about an hour. My family is expecting you for dinner." With that she hung up, positive he would be there.

...

Squidward was on his way to Sandy's tree dome. He had to keep reminding himself that he was doing this for Clary. The sun was just about to set.

"Who does that woman think she is?" He thought out loud. Once he arrived, he jammed a water helmet on, grumbling while he did, then entered the dome. He saw the Texan squirrel rushing up to him.

"Before we go in, you need to know some things," she informed, once she approached.

"So, am I just arm candy or should I be interesting?" Sarcasm dripped from Squidward's mouth.

"Take this seriously!" Sandy snapped. "My Ma wants me to get back together with my ex-boyfriend. I told her I already had one to get her off my back. That's where you come in. Oh, and try to make Rusty jealous if ya can. That's my ex. Now, hold hands, and make it look convincing." Sandy echoed his words back to him, from two weeks ago.

"Ha ha," Squidward said, offering his tentacle. She took it and they walked up to her tree, then through the door. The family was sitting around the table, waiting to eat. They looked up once the phony couple entered.

"Everyone, this is my beau, Squidward Tentacles," Sandy introduced. He awkwardly waved. "Squidward, that's my Ma and Pa, that's my cousin, Harmony, and this is Rusty." She gestured to each of them as they were introduced.

"What is he? A squid?" Mrs. Cheeks asked.

"Octopus," Squidward corrected.

"Are ya sure, boy? You only have six limbs," Mr. Cheeks questioned.

"It's complicated," was Squidward's reply.

"Sit down, honey," Sandy stepped in. "I'll get the food." She kissed his water helmet, trying to put on a good show, then disappeared into the kitchen. Squidward took one of the two empty chairs. They sat in awkward silence.

"So, you're Sandy's boyfriend?" Rusty questioned. He was sitting directly across from Squidward.

"Yup, she's a lucky gal," the octopus replied, his arms crossed. _What a neanderthall_, he thought, eyeing the beefy mammal.

"How does that even work? I mean, yer two different species. How do you even kiss without either o' ya drownin'?"

"We make it work," Squidward explained. He leaned onto the table, cupping his tentacle over the side of his helmet, so only Rusty would hear, and said in a low voice, "She can barely keep her hands off of me." He winked. Rusty's fists clenched around his fork, a vein throbbed in his forehead. Squidward couldn't keep the smug look off of his face. Before Rusty could go off, Sandy returned with platters of assorted nuts and acorns. She set them in the middle of the table, then sat down.

"Dig in," she said.

"If you guys don't mind," Harmony piped up. "Before I eat I always give thanks to the Earth. Sandy, is that okay?"

"Sure, go ahead," Sandy permitted. Squidward gave his phony girlfriend a look for an explaination. She whispers into his ear. "It's her New Age religion." Harmony stood up, spread her arms, and thanked the Earth in a ritualistic prayer. She finishes, and everyone began their meal once she sat down, except Squidward, due to his water helmet. Rusty was shoveling acorns into his mouth like he hadn't eaten in a week. Squidward looked disgusted.

"Y'know, Harmony," Mrs. Cheeks addressed her niece. "If you like spiritual paths, I have this book that can get you on the right one."

"No thanks," Harmony polietfully declined. "My spiritual path is the right one for me." Mrs. Cheeks glowered at her niece.

"So, boy. Waddaya do?" Mr. Cheeks asked Squidward. He wanted to know if this chump was good enough for his baby girl. Squidward wasn't about to tell him that he was a lowly cashier at a fast food joint, so he went with what he was aspiring for.

"I'm an artist, and I play the clarinet," he boasted.

"I'm an artist, too!" Harmony butted in, excited. "And I play the guitar."

"So, no real man's work," Mr. Cheeks ridiculed.

"I'm sorry, I must be in the wrong time period," Squidward retorted. "How do I get back to the Twenty-first century?" Sandy slapped his arm in warning.

"You better not get mouthy with me, boy!"

"Figures this crazy feminist would be datin' a yuppie," Rusty cut in.

"Just 'cause I want to have a career, and I'm open minded, don't mean I'm crazy," Sandy asserted.

"I'm sure Sandy likes dating someone who is more evolved," Squidward shot at Rusty.

"You sayin' I ain't evolved?" Rusty demanded. He stood up and slammed his fists onto the table, proving Squidward's statement. Plates, and glasses rattled.

"Knock it off, Rusty!" Sandy warned, standing up. Fear welled up in Squidward. He remembered guys like this in high-school. Any confrontations he had with them never ended well. Harmony also stood up.

"Alright boys," she said holding her arms out. "There's gotta be a way to settle this."

"Y-yeah," Squidward stuttered. "W-we don't n-need to sink so low." He was trembling and hoping he could avoid fighting this brute. _Thank Neptune for the hippie, _he thought.

"What could we do?" Rusty asked Harmony. She was about to reply when Mr. Cheeks cut in.

"I saw a sign for a contest tomorrow. It's hog tyin' sea horses."

"Of course you did," Squidward grumbled.

"That's animal cruelty!" Harmony firmly protested.

"Sounds good to me," said Rusty, ignoring the hippie. "Waddaya say, artist?"

"He'll do it!" Sandy answered for him.

"Wha... No... I..." Squidward stuttered.

"He ain't afraid!" Sandy ignored his protests. She turned to her fake boyfriend and mouthed, "Remember, I have your clarinet." The octopus sighed in irritation.

"It's on!" Rusty stated. Everyone sat back down to finish their dinner. Squidward just sat there in a state of shock. Harmony was preaching about animal cruelty, and Mrs. Cheeks was subtley dropping hints to her daughter to get back together with Rusty. Once they finished eating, Sandy cleared the table and invited the family into the living room for a movie before they went to bed.

"Well, I should probably get going..." Squidward said, while making his way to the door.

"No, ya don't have to leave," Sandy protested. The cepalopod froze in his tracks. She approached him, once her family had gone into the living room, and said in a low voice, "Just stay for the movie. We still need to convince them that we're a happy couple. They won't think so if ya leave, and Ma'll keep on me about Rusty. Remember your clarinet."

"Fine, dear," he bitterly spat, and followed her into the living room. He towered over her, yet this squirrel had complete control over him. He was angry, but he held a little respect for her control.

"Don't worry, hog tyin's easy." Sandy assured. "I could hog tie just about anything by the time I was eight." Squidward sighed. No way he could do this, especially if he was going against that monster of a squirrel.

They entered the living room. Her parents and Harmony took up the couch, and Rusty sat in an arm chair. All that was left was the love seat. He didn't know why, but Squidward felt his face heat up. Good thing the lighting was low in the room, so no one could see his blush. Why did he suddenly feel like a shy teenager? Sandy told him to sit down while she put a movie in.

"Put in my favorite movie, hon," Mrs. Cheeks suggested. That was a docudrama about a country singer who grew up dirt poor, and eventually acheived fame. Sandy put the disk into the DVD player, returned to the love seat, and sat next to Squidward. He cringed at her closeness. She leaned against him and, whispered,

"Put your arm around me."

"What?" He asked, alarmed.

"Just do it!" He did, and received a glare from Rusty. The octopus trembled, Sandy felt it. "Relax, he ain't gonna do a thing," she whispered. "He's gotta realize he don't own me." The masculine squirrel turned back to the television.

"Why'd you even go out with him?" Squidward asked, quietly.

"Let's just say I was young and stupid, and leave it at that," Sandy replied.

"Alright then," He could relate to that. He thought about his nights at Make Out Reef when he was a young and stupid.

Squidward couldn't focus on the movie with Sandy next to him. Because she was a mammal, she radiated heat. It was a great contrast to his cold, slimy skin. About an hour in, he felt her head resting on his shoulder, she had fallen asleep. If it was even possible, he grew warmer. He felt very awkward, but he slowly relaxed as the movie went on, her body heat making him sleepy too. His arm was still around her, his tentacle, perched on her shoulder. He snapped awake when she started snoring. It was a very funny snore, it amused him. He fought to hold back laughter. If anyone else noticed her snoring, they didn't show it. They must be used to it, after years of living with her. After a while, Squidward got used to it as well. He started feeling tired again. His eyelids grew heavier, and he eventually fell into a deep sleep.

...

When Sandy awoke, she found herself on her love seat, practically laying on top of Squidward. In panic, she pushed herself away, waking him up in the process.

"Where am I?" Squidward asked, briefly disoriented. He tried rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, but noticed he still had his water helmet on. They realized it was morning. They were alone in her living room. Just then, Sandy's mother walked in.

"Oh, good mornin'," she greeted. "Ya'll fell asleep on us. We didn't wanna disturb ya, so we decided ta leave ya'll alone."

"We slept all night?" Sandy asked, wiping her drool away. "What time is it?"

"Almost nine o' clock. The hog tyin' contest starts in an hour. I suggest ya'll get ready. I'm makin' breakfast." She left. Squidward and Sandy stared at each other, awkwardly.

"Sorry about that," she appologized. "I didn't mean to keep ya all night." Squidward was the first to get off of the love seat.

"Let's just get this stupid contest over with," he said bitterly. "Another day of humiliation to add to my list."

"Why don't ya go home n' get ready," Sandy suggested. "The water in yer helmet must be stale."

"Fine," he agreed, sounding completely miserable. He slugged away. He looked as if he was in despair. Sandy couldn't help but feel bad. He did experiance annoyance and humiliation on a regular basis. Guilt tugged at her heart, which was unsual for her. She couldn't make Squidward go through with this. This wasn't his kind of thing, and she knew it. He wouldn't be able to hog tie a sea horse, it would buck him into next week, and Rusty and her family would all laugh at him. So would everyone in Bikini Bottom.

"Oh, I can't do this," Sandy groaned. She rushed out of the living room to find that Squidward was already outside. She bolted out of her tree, and got to him before he could open the metal door to the outside of her dome. She grabbed his shoulder and spun him around to face her.

"The deal's off," she said, panting, and pulled his clarinet from out of no where. He seemed shocked.

"What made you change your mind?" he asked, once she handed it to him.

"I couldn't make ya do that. You would lose."

"Gee, thanks," Squidward said with sarcasm.

"No, I mean that was pretty selfish of me," she explained. "I don't wanna humiliate ya. I'll just have ta tell Ma I'm single, and I'm stayin' that way." They smiled at each other. She knew he was greatful. They were interrupted by her infamous ex.

"What's goin' on?" He demanded. Sandy stood up to him, while Squidward recoiled.

"He ain't doin' it, and he don't have to," Sandy confirmed.

"Yer chickenin' out, boy? I knew he was a sissy."

"At least I'm not a low intelligent muscle head," Squidward stood up for himself.

"Squidward, don't push him," Sandy warned, but he didn't listen.

"I'm sick of guys like you," he continued. "You're just insecure, because Sandy left you. You don't like the fact that you can't control her. I'm with her, because I like her independence. I'll even admit that she can kick my butt if she wanted."

"I'll kick it harder!" Rusty exploded in anger. Squidward shrieked, as he dodged a punch.

"Rusty, stop it!" Sandy ordered. He ignored her, and started chasing Squidward around the tree dome. Her eyes followed them as they circled aroud and around. This lasted only a short time, as Squidward tripped over a log, and toppled over. Rusty stood over him.

"I got you now, artist," Rusty said before he kicked Squidward in the stomach. The octopus let out an 'oof!' He kicked him again in the ribs. Before Rusty could get in another one, Sandy attacked him with a karate move.

"You're a coward, fightin' a man while he's down!" Sandy shouted. She started karate chopping him. They were in a dust cloud, with all the cheesy karate sound effects. When the dust cleared, Rusty's arms and legs were bound by rope, in front of him. "Now get outta my dome!" Sandy demanded. She shoved an air helmet on his head, and opened the door. He hopped out with his tied feet, and she slammed the door.

"I guess you really can hog tie anything," Squidward said after a moment. He was relieved, but slightly embarassed that Sandy had to come to his rescue. She walked over and helped him to his feet. He dusted him self off.

"I wish I had a ribbon for that one," she joked. They were interrupted again, this time by Mrs. Cheeks shouting from the tree.

"Good news," she called. "Randy's all clear!"

"That's great, Ma!" Sandy yelled back. Squidward looked confused. He decided not to ask.

"Where's Rusty?" Mrs. Cheeks called out again.

"He had to go find his dignity," Sandy replied. "The contest is off."

"Your Pa's gonna be disappointed," Mrs. Cheeks dissapeared back inside. Sandy turned to Squidward when she heard him wince. He was clutching his ribs. Rusty got him good.

"Come inside," she suggested. "I'll get ya an ice pack."

...

Squidward was lying on Sandy's couch, while she tended to him. The radio was on. She placed an ice pack on his sore ribs. He wiced again.

"Don't be a baby," she scolded. "Nuthin's broken. Harmony's brewin' some herbal medicine for the pain." She started singing along to the radio. "Walking After Midnight," by Patsy Cline was playing. (Yeah yeah, real people. Sue me. I just feel like Sandy would listen to Patsy Cline)

Harmony walked in with the herbal tea. "Drink that," she said, handing the mug to him. He took it, and drank, then he spit it out across the room.

"That's horrible!" He complained.

"Then live with the pain," said Sandy. He sighed then choked it down, nearly gagging. When he was finished, Harmony took the mug and walked out.

Sandy had told everyone that Squidward was only pretending to be her boyfriend. They were dissapointed with her at first, until her father had told her mother he understood why she did it. Mrs. Cheeks lightened up about wanting Sandy to settle down a little, just a little. Harmony had tried to tell Sandy that Squidward really liked her. "Why else would he agree to all of this?" She had said. Sandy told her about keeping his clarinet hostage. Then she asked, "What about you two on the couch?" Sandy was at a loss for words, so she never answered.

"I think your good enough to go," Sandy told Squidward, taking the ice pack.

"I'll try," he said, trying to gain pity. He stood up, exaggerating his pain.

"Oh, stop," Sandy rolled her eyes. "You're fine." She walked with him out of the house, and to the dome door. Squidward awkwardly faced her. He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Thanks for letting me off the hook," he said, apprehensively.

"No problem," she returned. "I guess I'll see ya later," she realized she had said that last time they were about to part.

"Maybe," he replied, dryly. He opened the door, before he could shut it, Sandy stopped him.

"Wait," she called. He turned around, a confused look on his face. She removed his water helmet, water splashed around him, and she placed a quick kiss on his cheek. She waved good bye, then shut the door, so the tunnel could fill up with water. Squidward stood there, stunned. Once the water filled up, he opened the other door and stepped out into the ocean. It was a relief after his head had been sitting in that stale water. He walked home in a state of shock.

"Women," he stated, flatly.

A/N: I'm not sure I like the way this turned out. Feel free to review anyway. Peace out.


End file.
